Safe Exit Planning ©

Winter storms can make leaving more complicated—but planning ahead can help reduce risk. This section offers guidance for thinking through a safe exit during severe weather, including what to prepare, how to leave as safely as possible, and ways to connect with help when travel or communication is limited.

Safety planning is always most efficient when planning with a trained advocate. Call our hotline 24/7  at 1-877-701-7233.

1. Create a Code Word and Exit Plan

Choose a simple word or phrase you can share with trusted friends that signals you need help. Make sure they know what to do if they hear it — whether that’s calling the police, coming to get you, or meeting you somewhere safe. Try to have at least two safe contacts you can reach.

2. Plan with Your Children

Decide how you will communicate urgency to your children, and talk to them (if it’s safe) about where to go or who to call during an emergency. You may create a code word with children that lets them know to run to a safe space you have already decided upon. Practice calling 911 with them.

3. Pack an Emergency Bag

If it’s safe to do so, pack a small bag with essentials — important documents (IDs, social security cards, birth certificates, immigration documents, health insurance, Protective Orders, etc.), keys, medication, money, and clothing. Keep it somewhere easy to grab or with someone you trust.

4. Have Important Numbers Handy

Memorize or write down key numbers, including our 24/7 hotline (1-877-701-7233), trusted friends or family, and emergency services. If you can, save them under code names in your phone.

5. Identify a Safe Place to Go

Plan where to go in an emergency — a trusted neighbor’s house, a public place, or a room in your home with an exit. Avoid rooms with weapons (kitchen) or where you could get trapped (bathroom).

6. Consider Technology Safety

Abusers can track phones, social media, and online activity. Use a safe device if possible, turn off location sharing, and clear browser history after researching help.

Safe stay Planning ©

This plan is about reducing harm while you remain in your relationship.

‍Sometimes, leaving isn’t possible, especially during winter storms or other emergencies. Choosing to stay is not a failure, and it is never consent to abuse. But safety is not all-or-nothing. It exists on a continuum, and even small steps can reduce harm and preserve your peace.

We believe that people experiencing abuse are the experts in the inner workings of their relationship and their partner’s behavior. This plan is meant to build on what you already know, not override it. These strategies are designed for the conditions you’re facing right now and can change at any time. Below are elements that may be included in a Safe Stay Plan ©, which focuses on reducing risk while you stay. (A Safe Exit Plan © focuses on preparing to leave safely.)

If you are in immediate danger, please call 911.  

1. Pattern Awareness and Risk Mapping

The goal of this section is to notice patterns so situations feel more predictable and less dangerous.
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- What are the early signs that control, threats, or violence may be increasing?
‍(For example: changes in tone, substance use, money stress, jealousy, or access to weapons.)
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- When have you felt more at risk in the past?
(For example: after trying to leave, during pregnancy, around holidays, when stress about children or work is high.)

- What has helped lower your partner’s intensity before—even a little?
(For example: leaving the room, using certain phrases, or texting instead of speaking.)

2. Physical Safety Strategies

The goal of this section is to reduce the chance of injury during conflict.

- Identify safer places in your home - rooms with exits, fewer hard objects, and no weapons.
(Kitchens, bathrooms, and garages tend to be higher-risk during arguments.)

- Keep a charged phone with you whenever possible.

- If violence starts, focus on getting away from the situation rather than explaining.
(This could mean stepping outside briefly—not necessarily leaving the relationship.)If you can, sleep closer to exits and keep doors unlocked when it feels safe to do so.

3. Emotional Safety Strategies

Protecting your mental health matters when isolated at home with an abusive partner.

- Practice grounding techniques for stressful moments.
(Examples: slow breathing or reminders like “I can choose my next step,” “This isn’t my fault,” or “I’m not imagining this.”)

- Think about what information may be safer not to share during conflict to avoid retaliation later. Notice self-blaming thoughts (“I caused this”) and replace them with truth (“This behavior is their choice”).

- Stay connected to at least one activity, relationship, or space outside the abuse to help you remember who you are beyond this situation.

4. Strategic Communication

This is about staying safe, not about fixing the relationship.

- What words or phrases have helped calm situations in the past? Use them to reduce harm - not because you owe kindness.

- Avoid correcting details or arguing facts during heated moments.

- Put off difficult conversations until a safer time whenever possible.

- Plan neutral ways to leave a conversation.
(For example: taking a call, going to the bathroom, or responding to a child.)

5. Social and Digital Safety

- Make a mental note of people who know what’s happening and are supportive.

- Decide on code words or signals you could use if you need help.

- Clear search or browsing history if it helps you stay safer.

- Check privacy settings and location sharing on your phone and apps.

6. Children and Pets (If Applicable)

- What will you tell your children on how to get help? Do not teach them how to intervene as that is dangerous for them.

- What is a simple safety rule you could teach your children? Some examples may be “Go to your room” or “Call Auntie”.
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- Identify temporary safe options for pets if violence escalates.

- Reassure children that adult behavior is never their fault or responsibility.

7. Body Safety if Physical or Sexual Violence Occurs

- Attend all medical appointments if possible.

- Seek care for injuries, even if you don’t want to disclose the cause. You do not have to do anything you don’t want to do when you seek care for an injury.

- Track your injuries privately via photos or notes, assuming it is safe to do so.

- Make sure you are paying attention to stress-related health symptoms and seek care for those when they happen. These could be sleep issues, GI, panic, weight gain or loss, etc.